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Monday, May 21, 2012

Flash Fiction Blogfest




Today I am participating in Cherie Reich's Flash Fiction Blogfest.  This is the first time I have done anything like this, so constructive criticism is appreciated.


The rules are that our entry must start with Lightning Flashed and be under 300 words.  I never realized how difficult that would be until I started writing!


Lightning flashed and Andi knew the rain would follow soon.  The fog coming off the river already made it impossible to see in front of her.  Although she had been on this river many times, this was the first time that she wasn’t with her more experienced friends.  The roar of the whitewater was a far cry from the springs that she was used to paddling.  Maybe this was a mistake.

 As she rounded the corner Andi saw a huge rock and realized that she was headed straight towards it.  Thoughts flashed in her mind of her past trips down the river when she was told to be careful of this particular rock.  At the time, she thought, “Well of course I will avoid the rock”.  Today as the rain began to fall, there was no way she could avoid it.

The kayak rubbed against the rock, then rolled over.  Andi was immersed in the icy water, taking her breath away.  She fought to catch her breath, holding on to her kayak. Her paddle was quickly making its way downstream in the rapids, and now the rain was coming down in sheets.  She floated down the river, keeping her feet up so they wouldn’t get snagged on a rock.  She didn’t have the strength and energy to be slowed down any further.  With some slow maneuvering, she caught up to her paddle at the end of the rapid.

Andi’s kayak was full of water as she made her way to the bank.  With no strength remaining, she suddenly saw a fellow kayaker round the corner.  Offering help, he emptied the kayak for her.

After the skies had cleared, Andi continued down the river.  She had a new appreciation for Mother Nature and a grateful heart for her guardian angel.





47 comments:

  1. I'll start by saying that your blog page looks great, Heather!

    I read your story twice. Through the entire content of the story you used words that cause the reader to be able to visually follow Andi from the beginning of the journey to the end! I felt like I was there!

    Great job, Heather!

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  2. I agree with Betty, very nice story, I enjoyed reading it. Other than that, I don't have anything to add here, I loved exploring this small piece world :)

    Roadtrip: On my way from A all the way to Z!
    English Speaking Zone

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  3. Nice Story, and I agree and I could feel her fear and then the relief of the rescue.

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  4. That one had a nice, innocent touch to it. Good job!

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  5. For only 300 words, this has a lot of story. I like the idea of the lightening blogfest and how it fits so well into your story. For creative criticism, I'd want to up the terror. Spend more words describing the moment water goes down her throat, the complete darkness and disorientation where her survival is in doubt. Then again, I've read a lot of horror books. ;)

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  6. Very intense details that brought me right into the story! Great job!

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  7. I liked this a lot. It was so descriptive for such a limited amount of words, I could visualise it clearly. The third paragraph was awesome, I could really feel Andi's struggle.
    Great job :)

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  8. Thank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.

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  9. Good tension mixed with description in this piece. Thanks for posting.

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  10. Great entry! I know, writing a very-short story is harder than it seems! :) Best of luck.

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  11. Very nice. I have to wonder what the heck Andi was thinking -- kayaking alone in the fog and when a storm's brewing??? LOL! But I enjoyed her gripping adventure. ;^)

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  12. I like your story, partially because I fell out of a boat while white water rafting so I know about keeping my feet up. :)

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  13. Thank you all so much for your kind comments! I was really nervous about participating but I am so glad I did!

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  14. What a sweet story! It made me want to go kayaking! I really liked the happy ending too.

    Andrea

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  15. The ending is quite sudden, but I guess that's down to the form. It's a nice piece.

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  16. Oh what a scary experience. Very well described, I could feel Andi's fear.

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  17. Great story! I'm glad it had a happy ending, it could have ended so differently! :)

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  18. I like that she got back on the kayak and continued on. I enjoy stories of perseverance. Thanks for sharing.

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  19. Thank goodness she was ok and was strong enough to go on.

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  20. This entry has a lot of twists and turns!

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  21. I agree with the above--I love stories about people who don't give up. Thanks for sharing!

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  22. Great story! Love her perseverance.

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  23. See if I ever go kayaking again. Yikes! =)

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  24. We went white water rafting with our kids years ago in Colorado. I made sure that we bought a photo, because I knew that I would never be brave enough to do it again! Great story! Julie

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  25. My heart was pounding as I read this! Glad it turned out well in the end.

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  26. Great imagery, I felt my heart pounding as she headed for the rock. Loved the rescue.

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  27. Hard lesson learned. Nice story.
    Heather

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  28. "Well of course I'll avoid the rock" That had me laughing. I'm sure that's not what you meant, but it sounds like something I would say with "Duh!" added at the end. Right before crashing into said rock

    You got a good story in out of just 300 words. I know that was hard to do.

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  29. Thank you so much for all the nice comments. They really mean a lot to me!

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  30. Nice story! This is why I'm afraid to kayak. :)

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  31. Amazing, uplifting story. I enjoyed the little adventure.

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  32. It was brilliant. No way I would have gone back in lol :)

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  33. so glad she had a guardian angel! saying hi from the az challenge!

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  34. and this is why I DON"T kayak - lol.

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  35. I'm glad someone helped her. Great piece.

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  36. You packed a lot of action into a short piece - nice job!

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  37. Hey Heather,
    Well done and some interesting analogies flowing amongst the words :)

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  38. A tense story with a happy ending. Very Nicely done. :)

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  39. The last sentence is great, and gives a solid conclusion to your story.

    This was my first time entering something like this too and it was lots of fun!

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  40. Aww, I’m glad she made it out alive. I was beginning to worry there for a second. Good job!

    I'll announce the finalists on Friday.

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  41. It's the first time in a long time that I enter a piece of flash fiction, since I usually don't think of stories contained enough to fit them into 300 words or less.

    You're first entry is pretty dang good. :-)

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  42. Pretty darn good. I have to know, was her guardian angel cute?

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  43. Thanks again for all the nice comments. I will be posting a follow up post on this story tomorrow.
    Special thanks to Cherie for hosting such a fun fest! From the positive experience I gained here, I think I will be trying some new things.

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  44. I dig that Andi kept her wits about her and didn't make a bad situation worse. (And that she pulled through it, of course.) :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

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  45. Very nice story! It covered so much in so little.

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  46. I have a great appreciation for those who can write flash fiction. I am long-winded. For almost a year I participated in Saturday Centus with Jenny Matlock. We only had 100 words, but I got to the point where it didn't take me an hour to do it anymore. Is this meme open to anyone? I think I'd like to try 300 words...
    Tina @ Life is Good
    Post A-Z Road trip!

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