What we are looking for is the hesitation, the uncertainty, and the (however temporary or permanent) consequences of the missed opportunity TO KISS. We want our lips to feel it, our tongues to taste it, our bodies and minds to be so involved in the anticipation that we have to kiss our hand (or our uninterested significant other) just to be fulfilled
Here we are years later on the brink of major change, and I remember those earlier days as if they were yesterday.
That first weekend, there was a certain awkwardness, at least for me. I felt the pressure of maintaining a certain level of professionalism while still trying to loosen up and have a good time. It was Saturday after all, but come Monday, we would be back in the office and I would be your boss again.
You maintained the carefree attitude that exudes out of you on a full time basis. I wish I had more of that. I used to. You made life seem so easy, so simple. I am drawn to that attitude in ways I can’t describe. Freedom!
That was a day filled with new and fun things and it couldn’t have been much better…except I felt as it I was going to burst inside. You would reach out to touch me, and I would move away. I don’t think you even knew what you were doing to me. You were only giving the conversation more emphasis with the touch, but it meant so much more to me. I had to stay strong or I would lose control. Was it just me?
Later came the time when you invited me on your epic road trip. We joked and laughed about what we would do and what a good time we would have. No doubt it would’ve been a blast. Was the invitation sincere? My insecurities held me back again, even though we talked every day that you were gone.
Do you remember the time that I was planning to move away? You took me out to lunch and told me you loved me. WHAT??? You never elaborated and I never asked, so the conversation fell short. My eyes teared as I looked away to pull myself together…but I stayed, just in case.
Now the tables have turned and times have changed. I am in a relationship and you are the one who is moving away. Even though separate paths seem to make sense for us both, I can’t help but wonder what could've been. Was I being too cautious?
We have made a good team and I will be losing a piece of myself when you go away. Now I will never know…
Oh if only I had kissed you when I had the chance!